Ok for you weak of stomach, stop here. For those with kids, or that have had kids, you may get a giggle out of this. Long, as usual, but that's me.
Work is getting nuts, this is my busy time of the year, and Friday I was determined to get caught up so I could have a fresh start on Monday. I ended up pulling a 21-hour day, and went home from work at nearly 5:30am Saturday morning. The sky was light to the east as I was pulling in the driveway. Just nuts, but I wanted to be done and FORGET about my job for the weekend.
That evening my wife ordered Pizza Hut. The leftover pizza is still sitting on the kitchen counter, in it's box. She'd left it out for me, not knowing I was going to do something insane like work all night. I put it in the fridge, took a fast shower, and crashed into bed.
Misty was nice enough to let me sleep all morning. She took the kids to my Mom and Dad's to go swimming, and I slept until about noon. On crawling out of bed I went to the kitchen and nuked up two slices of pizza, and spent from noon until 4pm cleaning the house, doing laundry, and being Mr. Mom.
Around 3pm I started to feel funny. Kinda achey, and my stomach felt a little odd. Misty got home at 4:30 and said my father and grandmother wanted to go get Chuy's for dinner (our favorite Tex-Mex place). By this time I was feeling pretty lousy. Didn't know if it was because I'd thrown my sleep schedule off so much, or if it was because I'd woken up and cleaned like a madman for four hours.
I took a shower, piddled around, feeling worse, and drank some Pepto pink chalk. I was not hungry at all, and really didn't want to go out, but Misty had taken care of the kids all Friday night and Saturday during the day, and I felt liked I owed her a good dinner, plus I wanted to visit with my Dad and grandmother. I put the kids in the 3rd row seat, we drove to my father's place and then my grandmother's, and then headed to Chuy's.
About half way there my grandmother asked why I wasn't talking. I told her I really didn't feel well, but would be ok. By the way, the weather was GORGEOUS, 77 degrees. such a pretty day. I was actually mad at myself for feeling bad on such a nice weekend.
We got to dinner, and my 2-year-old, Tuck, was asleep in the 3rd row. He didn't want to wake up...kid had been swimming all day and was tired, so I leaned in to pull him out, and felt my stomach cramp. Yikes! I stood up, took some deep breaths, and got him out. Nobody saw me tense up, even though I now felt light-headed.
We got a seat fast, thankfully, and ordered drinks, but I didn't order food. Knowing Chuy's is my favorite place, my wife was now concerned, as I never pass up Elvis Presley Green Chili Fried Chicken...ha. I was really feeling bad, but did not want to ruin dinner.
I gave it the old college try, but after about 10-mins I got up, told them to take their time, excused myself, went out to the Roady, which was parked under some nice shade trees in the back of the parking lot (no dents now..ha), and cracked the windows, reclined the front seat, and stared up at the trees blowing in the breeze through the Vista roof, and dozed in the quiet.
About 30 mins later the family came out. I was still feeling bad, but a little better. Misty said she was a little concerned, as Tuck had not eaten anything either, and he was listless. Hmm. We strapped Eddie and Tuck into the rear-facing 3rd row, Dad and my grandmother got in the middle row, and Misty was nice enough to offer to drive home...she could see I was really not feeling well.
Chuy's is about 20-mins from our house. We still had to drop off Dad and my Grandma, so I pointed an a/c vent at my face and decided I would suck it up and be ok, we'd get home and I'd just go to bed right away.
Ok, here comes the good part. Fair warning, it gets bad from here. We took I-35 north from Austin back to Round Rock. I was feeling a little better, the a/c felt good on my face, I had my head on the headrest and my eyes were closed. We'd been on the highway 15 minutes and Misty took the exit for Round Rock, and right about then my 9-year-old screams "OH GROSS!!" from the 3rd row. We all turned around in time to hear Tuck start crying. He'd just thrown up all over himself. Man oh man...
Misty floors it and flies into a gas station and pulls into a parking spot. About now the smell hits us all. I pray there is not to much of a mess and get out with Misty, who has just put all the windows down on the wagon.
We both walk around to the tail gate, and my 9-year-old bolts through the window as soon as I press the buttom and promptly runs to the other side of the parking lot panting. I open the tail gate...and it's bad...really bad. It's all over Tuck's chest, his pants, shoes, lap, and covering his baby seat, it's buckle and belts. Plus it's on the floor of the well. And the smell is bad, really bad. Not thinking, I reach in and unbuckle the poor little guy and hand him to Misty, who has the diaper bag in one arm already and takes him around the front of the car to some grass there.
I reach in the back of the car to remove the soiled baby seat...and the smell hits me hard. I stand up, my stomach heaving, and take some deep breaths in the cool breeze. I think "I'm ok", begin to turn around, and then lose my stomach right there behind the car. Oh LORD! I stand up, take a few more breaths, and ever the trooper, reach in to unbuckle the baby seat and yank it out of the car. The smell gets me again, and I get the seat out just in time to lose my stomach again, in full view and to the horror of the folks pumping gas behind us. I'm now sick, embaressed, and mad all at the same time.
My Dad gets out and starts to come toward me with my car dust towel I keep under the front seat. I grab it and run around the front of the car just in time to lose my lunch a 3rd time on a bush in front of the car. This time I manage to totally miss the towel in my hard and puke all over my shirt and shoes too. HOLY HELL! AM I DYING????
I wipe of my face and shirt and lean against the car to keep from falling over. I no longer care what people seeing me think. All I want to do is go home, take a shower and go to bed, and tomorrow burn down the local Pizza Hut.
Misty, ever the trooper, has already stripped the baby down to his diaper and cleaned him up, and has pulled the cover off the baby seat, and is now leaning in the rear of the wagon cleaning up the mess there. Amazing woman, she seems totally unfazed.
Dad comes over and checks on me...and asks if "I'm done". I say I think so, and proceed to take off my shirt, shoes and socks right there, and wipe my face down with a baby wipe. Misty comes over and hands me a bottled water, and takes my clothes and shoes and puts then in a plastic bag with Tuck's clothes and baby seat cover.
The inside of the car still is oderific, so we pop open the rear 1/4 windows. Eddie refuses to get in the 3rd row with Tuck, so we put him in the middle row between my Grandma and my Dad. My Grandma, but the way, is quiet through all this.
Misty puts Tuck in the 3rd row on his noe-coverless baby seat, I get in the front passenger seat, and Misty heads for my Grandmother's and my Dad's homes.
We get about a mile down the road, and Tucker, from the 3rd row, starts singing...SINGING. He's happy as a clam now. This gets my Dad laughing...followed by Misty.....and my Grandmother says "Wow I didn't know there was going to be a show after dinner"....which even gets me laughing, despite the fact that I'm shirtless and still queasy in the front seat.
We drop off my Grandma, then my Dad. Eddie begs to stay with Dad...can't blame the kid...so we let him stay and spend the night.
We get home and Misty unloads the baby and takes him for a bath. I go in, dump all the soiled stuff in the washer, pull on a clean shirt, and head back to the car. Sick or not, my wagon needs me. I pull out the baby seat and blast it with the garden hose. Next I clean the 3rd row seat with Windex and then Armour All, and then use foaming carpet cleaned in the well floor. I roll the windows up, and put an open box of fabric softner sheets on the middle row seat, and lock the car up. Today it smells like clean clothes in there.
I felt a little better last night after a shower, but totally weak. I sacked out by 9pm and slept until 8 this morning. Got up, my stomach muscles hurt, and I felt kinda disconnected, but no longer sick. Tuck is fine too, you'd never know anything was wrong.
I went to the fridge, got the leftover pizza, and ran it to the can outside. I know it's my fault for eating food that was left out all night. I came to find out Saturday morning before they went swimming, Misty had given Tuck a piece of that pizza too. It's all clear to me now...
I may still burn down the Pizza Hut.....just for spite.
Never a dull moment! And thankfully no pics with this story.
-Mike
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Mon May 16, 2011 1:54 am
That's crazy. I guess you better stop looking at new cars, Misty's a keeper for sure. 
