So to kind of wrap this up and share a story, which is what I seem to be around here for...
"warehouse deal" alternator arrives today. It's shot. Looks like it took a hard hit and the fan/pulley assembly got pushed into the case. Video below, it's cringeworthy.
screechy!The Remy and ACDelco units are clearly identical. Realizing that I could swap the back cases and merge the new Remy electronics into the older ACDelco mechanicals in literally a few minutes, I did exactly that.
14.5V out the back terminal now, 50mv AC ripple instead of 500mv, and headlight disco has ended.
I complained about the problem and they gave me a partial refund making the now bad Remy unit a $40 investment. Not bad for a DIY "rebuild", right? I'll keep on the shelf for when I need it as a $40 core on a store-bought unit 4 years from now.