Today is a different kind of anniversery for me - tried to kill a guy.

13 years ago today. It was a great night. My hot girlfriend and I both had friends getting married on the same day, and their receptions were in banquet halls on opposite sides of the expressway off of the same exit. It was gonna be perfect.

She was looking like a million bucks, as always - and I was in my only collared shirt wearing my only tie. We'd spent the evening bouncing back and forth between the two parties and having a great time. Towards the end of the night, we decided to pit stop at the Taco Bell we'd been driving past for a little 4th meal rejuvination.

It was late, so the Drive-Thru was the only option. We placed our order and being in a good mood and feeling funny, I jokingly specified the obvious that it was "to go". I then let off the brake and let the ole Iron Duke creep my 84 Cavalier with no floorboards up to the window and I paid for the food. Like I said - hot redhead on my side, holding hands on the console, giggling about nothing, the magic aura of TWO weddings working STRONGLY in my favor for later that night - and only a minute away from Taco Bell goodness. Life wasn't just good, my friends - it was GREAT.

Then I heard the glorious creak of the drive thru windows. It was the kind that seal in the middle and open outward towards you. Within an instant, my dreamworld was over. All of a sudden, I'm looking UP at someone who clearly should've applied themselves better in high school and he's trying to hand me our order, INCLUDING DRINKS, on a dining room tray - and to get it into my MUCH lower window - he's practically POURING it all right onto me. WTF!!! With my cat-ilke reflexes, I was able to Chuck Norris the drinks onto the curb as they fell towards me, but all of the food fell ONTO me inside the car.

Now guys, I wasn't always the calm and loving Bewber you've come to know. I used to have a pretty short fuse that led to a fairly decent explosion when necessary. Apparently this guys failed attempt at a joke flipped that switch and I instantly saw RED. All I really remember is looking him dead in the eye and informing him VERY matter-of-factly, "MFr, I'm gonna kill you." - to which he shmirked - which fueled yet another level of previously untapped explosiveness.

It's mostly a blur to me, but Adria recalls that before she could BLINK, I had the Cavalac in park, had pryed the drive through windows open from the outside, was standing on my seat and was beyond chest deep INTO the Taco Bell drive thru window - diving for his throat and screaming potty words. He screamed like a girl and ran to hide as the manager started yelling at another employee, "HOLY SHIT! GO LOCK THE DOORS! GO LOCK THE DOORS!"

I snapped out of it when my pants came down - as being pantsed will have that effect on a guy. Inside the car, Adria was doing everything she could to protect the TB Flunky from my full scale hulk out. She was trying to pull me back OUT of the drive thru window and into the car by the waist of my pants as she added herself to the list of screaming people - repeatedly instructing me to "GET YOUR ASS BACK INTO THE CAR!!" I'd wriggled my way to being waist deep, and as I pushed off against the console to give myself that final lunge through the window, she held tight with both hands and that's when - bloop - my pants came down and my ass popped out.

So there I was - belly flopped onto the stainless steel window sill - half inside taco bell, my legs still inside the car, and my underwear'd ass pointing at the sky - still screaming at jaw-dropped teenagers who'd done nothing wrong that I was going to kill their co-worker. Then, with one final pull, my screaming hotty jerked me back into the car and instructed me to get us the hell out of there.

So now - every year when our besties, the parents of our godchildren, announce that today is their anniversary - we can't help but to connect their memorable night with ours as the night I tried to kill a guy through the drive thru window, and almost did.

Had it not been for her pantsing me, there's little doubt that I'd still be in jail - and I'm VERY glad that I'm not "that guy" any more. We'll probably have 4th meal tonight for old times sake and I probably WON'T specify that it's "to go".

Thought I'd share. Have a great one!

John

what ever happened to the flunky?

I dunno. He lived, but I'm still looking for him.

Have you ever considered a career as a writer?

Meh, kinda. Thanks!

Dude, that was awesome Thanks for sharing!! LMAO!!!!!!!!

Quote :

before she could BLINK, I had the Cavalac in park, had pryed the drive through windows open from the outside, was standing on my seat and was beyond chest deep INTO the Taco Bell drive thru window

I lol'd hard.

carry a gun , it takes less effort ,.and you can keep your pants on,..

The real question is...



... did you have the runs the next day?

Plenty of time to write a story like that (hysterical as it is), but you can't find time to put the damn brakes back together on the HnH wagon????

Now I'm hungry. Might hafta run to the border myself...

No runs - and the HnH wagon brakes are back on. The battery was dead AGAIN when I went to try them out, but they ARE back on.

Jay I think you actually have to eat their food, not just wear it to get the runs, but I could be wrong. we need a goverment grant to test it out...

i LOL'd at work

buickmaster wrote:

i LOL'd at work

+1, I don't think I'll EVER be able to go to a TB now and NOT think about Bewbs ass sticking out of the drive thru. Classic

That's mildly disturbing to hear, Sprocket.

lol

I was just at Taco Bell too.... >_>