Cancer diagnosis in the family - this just sucks ass.

Sorry guys, but I just need to vent and I don't have a bartender.

My wife, FMA, has an aunt that's only a handful of years older than us and they were always great friends growing up since that was the aunt that was young enough to be "cool" and could relate to her, etc. Anyway, we're really close to that aunt and her husband, and he's just one of the coolest dudes anybody knows. Patient to a fault, etc. We bought our houses only 4 miles apart and we watched their girls when they were younger, and they help us out with our kids all the time. EVERYBODY loves Dan. He's just got a laid back, calmness about him that is undeniable - to the point that the guy is like MAGIC at calming down a crying/screaming baby.

Needless to say, we're VERY close with them. Us and Jimbeau have even had our thanksgivings with them the past couple years.

Here about a month ago he had to be hospitalized out of the blue because he had vertigo so bad he couldn't do anything but lay in bed - and no amount of tests, Drs, or adjustments to any meds could resolve it. It eventually lessened enough that they sent him home, but he still couldn't be cleared for work. About a week after that, he turned yellow and they rushed him back to the hospital. Turns out he had a tumorous mass next to his pancreas that was blocking off a bile duct and making him jaundice.

Well they went in on Tuesday and removed the isolated mass. His surgery took 9 full hours, and the Drs were confident that within a couple months of recouperation time he'd be back to normal - and told the family that they considered him to be cancer free. We partied like it was 1999 that it was only a mass NEAR the pancreas, and that they'd gotten it, and that after this little blip on the radar he'd be around forever all over again.

While the Dr was in there, he removed 5 lymph nodes to also have them tested. The results came back last night and ruined our partying. He has stage 3 cancer - and it's spread throughout his entire lymphatic and blood vessel system.

They have two daughters. One is a sophmore and the other is trying to finish her senior year through all of this. The older one and I are especially close friends, ever since she was a toddler and I started dating FMA. Our nicknames that we call each other is "Best Friend", and I call her younger sister, Jess, "Jess Friend".

Anyway, I just can't believe how hard of a 180 his health news turned in such a short time - and how friggin unfair it is for his wife and family.

Anyway too. He's a hard core green thumb guy. Like has a degree in green thumbery. His current job is that he's in charge of the grounds for a huge portion of the U of M campus - and his previous job was that he was the head groundskeeper for the Henry Ford and Thomas Edison Estates down in Florida. I on the other hand hate dealing with the grass. As my own fate would have it, the one and onliest thing that I've been asked to do for them is to mow their lawn (but pick up all the sticks first, and don't cut on the bottom setting because blah blah blah blah).

I know it's stupid, but I've never felt so honored to be asked to mow someone's lawn as a favor before.

I just feel like a putz. Here I am hustling peeps for prayers for a stupid job, and all the while my own uncle needs nothing short of a miracle to be able to watch his daughters graduate high school.

I'm sorry, but the whole thing just has me so pissed I can't believe it.

Thanks for the shoulder to whine on.
John

Sorry to hear that, my grandmother has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and is currently in hospice.

Never know, things have a way of working themselves out. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 inflammatory breast cancer, and that was six years ago. He's still out and about. Hopefully the treatment works out for him.

If you ever want to chat or whatever, I'm around man.

Bewber,
My 80 year old mother-in-law has Stage 4 non-Hodgkins lymphoma and has had it for years. Since being diagnosed, she has been checked frequently for metastasis, but the pace of the spread has been glacial. She has never undergone ANY cancer treatments because the disease has been moving so slowly, the doctors have told her she will die "with cancer, not of cancer".
She continues to enjoy her life and we recently took a cruise vacation with her and my father-in-law.

I hope and pray your uncle has a similar path.
Joe

Thanks guys. I appreciate you being family.

My wife is a hospice social worker - and FWIW, she's the best there is. When the mother of the company's President entered hospice, FMA was hand picked to be the social worker for that patient. She's been doing this job for about a decade - and while I absolutely appreciate your sharing stories of the longevity and quality of life that we're praying for - I'm sure you can also appreciate just how rare your cases are, and that most people in my uncle's position that she's dealt with professionally - well they don't exactly go out and buy green bananas for a reason.

Thanks again though.

Thoughts, prayers & good karma.
As hard as it is, try to stay positive. He sounds like a guy who spreads alot of good, that good will always be with your familys.

Oh wow, this is such sad news. This just makes everything else soooo unimportant. I'm sorry Johnny.

Bewber wrote:

I just feel like a putz. Here I am hustling peeps for prayers for a stupid job, and all the while my own uncle needs nothing short of a miracle to be able to watch his daughters graduate high school.

Don't. There are enough prayers to go around for both.

I am so sorry for the bad news. Encourage the heck out of him and be sure to make him laugh as often as you can!!! What is his name, so we can pray for him.

Tim

BigBlackBeaSSt wrote:

I am so sorry for the bad news. Encourage the heck out of him and be sure to make him laugh as often as you can!!! What is his name, so we can pray for him.

Tim

Dan,.

Damn John. That's awful news. Hopefully the treatments go well and he can be around for a while yet. It happens.

Prayers sent.

Sorry to hear this man. Going through the same stuff with my grandfather.

I know what you are dealing with. My first wife, my Dad and 3 brothers all died of cancer. It's a horrible disease. Prayers go out to all it touches. Just make the best memories you can. No one can ever touch them. Glenn

sorry to hear. Keep your head up brother, everything happens for a reason and the lord works in mysterious ways.

So sorry to hear this, try and keep the spirits high. I know when I was diagnoised with a tumor in my head I kept my spirits high. I said to myself this is not going to win. What I hated most about my doctor visits was all the people in the waiting room that were feeling sorry for themselves. There actions taught me to be strong and keeping smiling. Well that was 7 years ago and I am got back on my feet and kept on a smiling and laughing. The specialist told me on my last visit that "ones state of mind is much stronger than what is in front of us, and you have proven that" I was always laughing and having fun in the office and they always said I was a pleasure to see during a day.

So laughter is and always be the best medicine with the right state of mind. And yes i still have the tumor.

Yep, same with dad. All the nurses and hospital staff LOVE him. If he ever has to get admitted, he always gets the same nurses and the same room. They will literally MOVE people to put him on this same floor. lol

It seems to me that 1993 Roady-man has some great advice for all of us.

I'm an old guy and have lost virtually all of my family to diseases like this. Personally, I'm honored that you would share that info with us.

We're here for you and as much as it seems inappropriate right now, time does heal most things.

Hang in there and don't lose your spirit.

Bill

bewb, this gives me flash backs of losing my dad all over again. So i definately can identify with you!
however stage 3 is still recoverable. with God, all is possible.
you have my prayers, as does your uncle. I learned when my daughter had a heart attack in my wifes arms 2 years ago and when my aunt saved my moms life a couple weeks ago....God loves miracles as much as we do. I am also here if you need me!

thoghts are prayers are with you and your family......life rearely deals us winning hands all the time

+1 on what Jarrod said, the mind is a powerful tool, used properly it can be responsible for amazing things.
might wanna check out a book Zen in the Martial Arts. It's alot more about the power of the mind than martial arts.
It's an easy fun read too. Nice short chapters, easy to grab one on the go...

Yeah, prayers out to you and your Uncle...I'm with Jarrod too. Have seen proof of that with loved ones in the same boat. Laughter and helping whenever we could is how we coped...that is cool you cut his grass too

Chris

Hey thanks guys....

BUTT - my utility trailer is 3 hours away, so I can't haul my mower over there, so went over there today after mass to use his - and his is on the fritz. They thanked me for trying, but called another relative who actually owns a lawn service - who also was glad to help.

I got credit for trying, but passed the torch to a pro on the lawn.

Thanks for sharing. I lost my Mom to cancer, doesn't seem to miss any group of people. I keep you and your family in my thoughts. Enjoy the time you have. I can say in my experience, I'm glad I didn't hide during the worst parts. I was glad to be there every second.

It great there is a community to support you here as well.

John

93RMW wrote:

I lost my Mom to cancer, John

We did too,. told to get her affairs in order armistice day, gone 28th of dec,.

nick

my dad was diagnosed in june of 09, gone jan 2nd of '10. he fought so hard just to see my daughter. when we brought Delaney home from the hospital my dad was so weak he could barely walk from his truck to my house. he sat down on the couch and held my daughter (his only grandchild) and cried for 20 min. was the only time i saw my dad cry.

That's awesome he made it long enough to do that Ian.

The update that they got yesterday wasn't good. From what I gather, in terms of making it one year - if they faught aggressively, maybe 25% - if they did nothing at all, maybe 10%.

That stinks John!! I have a friend who was very close to me in college. I just found out he has been fighting cancer on and off for 10 years or so. Monday they put him in ICU. The prognosis is grim. He lives in Mesa, AZ so there is no way to go see him. This sucks!!

Just saw this. Really sorry to hear about it and will certasinly keep you and yours in my thoughts.

-Mike

Sorry to hear about your family being touched by this horrible disease.All you can do is continue to be there for them and let them know that they are loved and will be missed.Be strong John.