Keep your chicken to yourself lady, I'm a married man!

So FMA and the kids are out of town for the weekend and it's about 9:45 PM when I realized that I had to run to the store to get some milk for a reciepe that I'm planning on making tomorrow morning. As I strolled past the deli counter, I see a bunch of those roasted chickens under the warmer, all marked down - but still more than another local store sells them for. Nearby, a young lady in a sassy red apron accented by a paper hat was working in a deli cooler prepping it for overnight.

Our conversation began with me asking a question that was almost as stupid as her stupid paper hat - since I was curious if they were on sale all weekend long or something.

Why are all these marked down?
Well it's because they are old.
Oh. And your end of the day closeout price is only 15% off? Why bother?
Well those were actually supposed to be thrown out at 9. I just haven't gotten to it yet.
So they're not for sale?
Well like I said - I'm supposed to throw them out, but if you want one (pause and a smile) I guess can let you have it.

Then she went over and got one, and walked it back over to me, making sure I took it from her.

So now I know you're thinking what I was thinking, right? It doesn't matter she's still on the clock - Meijer deli job and paper hats be damned - 250 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal is just too much for her to resist! This chick wants me so bad, she's gonna give me a FREEEE old roasted chicken just to have a shot at the champ!

So, flattered that she thought of me that way, I caved to her seduction and accepted the bird - then I go, oh, ok - I guess I'll take it. Are you going to give me something for at the checkout - so I don't get in trouble?

She goes - just scan it here on this sticker right here, and make sure you don't scan the one on the bottom.

Right where it says $5? Then it'll charge me $5.

She replied, well YEAH - that's the price.

So I go, So then your offer to let me HAVE it is actually the same $5 offer I could have given myself if I'd have walked over and gotten it without talking to you, and if I don't take this old chicken for the price nobody else would pay in the past 5 hours, you're just going to throw it out anyway?

Still clueless to why I wasn't racing to the checkout, she goes - well yea, I have to. Like I said, it's old.

Anyway, needless to say - I returned her chicken to her and thanked her kindly for her generous hookup, but I sure as heck didn't let her in my pants, which I feel was the probably the right decision overall.

Still married and hungry for chicken,
John

you chicken bro?

She was neither busty, nor redheaded - and she wasn't otherwise trashy enough to overcome those obvious deficiencies. She could have been wearing a roasted chicken bra, and it wouldn't have been enough to sway me.

Good move...who can afford a divorce in this economy???

81X11 wrote:

Good move...who can afford a divorce in this economy???

Better watch out with the cars, Mike. LOL

Hey John! Wh8le you were at the deli, if you were really that mad, you could have choked the chicken, pounded the pork, and slammed the ham while you were at it.

Then again, don't let your meatloaf.

LOL!!! I still think you need a weekly PodCast. She wanted some of that juicy white meat!

Bewber wrote:

could have been wearing a roasted chicken bra, and it wouldn't have been enough to sway me.

Maybe not a chicken bra, but I bet a bacon one would. (Google "bacon bra" for full effect. I think the posting the pictures here would get me in trouble)

Congrats on your decision to act like a married man instead of a soon to be divorced one.Has
she seen your wagon?If she hasnt she probably thought you were homeless and hungry.
Take Care
Jim Gordon

Bewber wrote:

Still married and hungry for chicken,
John

Remember: "There's two things that taste like fish, and one of them is fish."

Graucho Marx

LMAO - that's a great quote!

For the record, My wife says "Beaver does not taste like chicken. but Eel and Snake do."


You figure it out. WAY too much subliminal stuff there for me.

And she probably STILL doesn't get it... :rolleyes:

The canadian beaver is the only fur bearing animal known to be able to swallow up to 7 inches of bone without choking,


Nick
Be like a proud canadian,. "show us your beaver"!!

... And Dave said sheepishly

"I'm proud to have helped degenerate this thread into the gutter where it belonged!"