First a little backgroundEver since i bought my tbi wagon, i've wanted an LT1 wagon... badly. like really badly, bad enough to have dreams of them, bad enough so that when random strangers who don't know better see my '92 and ask me, "Is that the wagon that had the corvette engine??" I say, "well... yes, yes it is!
" so you can imagine that when one finally came along, close to me, with no wood, big mirrors and my favorite interior color i got a little excited. Too excited maybe. Actually more like REALLY %#@%ING EXCITED! so i jumped on it. Now, where i live, to have a car licensed and be able to drive it legally the vehicle needs to pass a basic safety inspection. the lights all need to work on the outside, no structural damage, no holes anywhere there shouldnt be holes etc. Pretty much just general bs safety stuff. So when buying a used car in a private sale, its a good idea to get it pre-inspected before you buy it so you know exactly what it needs. but as i stated i was "REALLY %#@%ING EXCITED!" So i drove 45 min to take a look at said wagon, in the rain, at 6:00pm at night, near the end of November, in Canada.
I liked what saw in the car and underneath the car; which was barely anything. Plus i was getting my new jeans wet kneeling in the pouring rain in the middle of a parking lot, so if my mom was already mad at me for looking at ANOTHER wagon now she's definitely gonna be pissed. I walked around the outside of the car and could tell there was a bit of rust on the body, typical Canadian car. The d pillars were screwed, and i knew it needed mufflers because it sounded like an old man gurgling water before bed. The rad also leaked, the inner fenders were see through, the tires were over 10 years old, the e-brake cables had gone to e-brake cable heaven, and the hood was blue. but hey! it ran good and the interior was nice! plus it was an ex funeral home car so its probably mint! right?
No. wrong, Dead wrong. if you thought you were right your an idiot, just like me. And there are no special classes to help you learn the right answer neither is there any psychiatrist who could help you, trust me i've looked into it.
So, since i'm an idiot i bought it, drove it home 45 min on the 401 (major highway) the whole way home its pulling hard to the left, scared the crapolas out of a few fast laners beside me, but hey they deserved it! damn maniacs for driving so fast!
I got it up to about 110 mph once, until i remembered it was a US car, with a us speedo. That, and i was no longer in the slow lane... woops. The lt1 is deffinetly awesomer then the tbi. but the car was scary at those speeds, well any speed past 80 for that matter.
anyways, the rest of the trip goes smoothly besides some weird looks i got, probably tribute to the "kiss my Ass" sticker on the rear window, whatever. i get the car in my parents garage, my brother comes out and tells me to rev it. i guess he likes the sound of old men gurgling water before bed :pale:the reving went something like this:
-put the car in neutral
-put one foot on the brake pedal
-one on the gas
-brake pedal goes to floor
-my neighborhood is filled with the sweet sound of old men gurgling water!
success!
all went well and my brother thought it was cool. right?
No. Wrong, Dead wrong. i think everyone here knows, that when your brake pedal goes to the floor with touch of a finger, your up sh*t creek with a paddle. that's right WITH a paddle. You see thats the magical thing about sh*t creek, it doesnt really matter what you have with you, your still in sh*t.
so now i'm beginning to grasp the whole "idiot" thing. my dad looked at me with the infamous "I told ya not to buy it!" look, which he did in fact say. And my brother's excitement from the old man sounds had quickly worn off and changed into a sarcastic "nice..." he then hopped into his rust free Alberta truck and drove off into the sunset with sexy swimsuit models at his side, begging for him to tell them about the mighty iron duke I4 in his '91 s10.
even with all this going on im still excited, and even tried to convince myself "its not bad, just brakelines, your last wagon needed one of those too!"
yea ONE. on the rear axle, this hunk of crap needed every single line changed. being in school and on a budget, neither time or money was on my side. buuut, Fast forward to spring and the brakelines are done, finally. went surprisingly smooth with exception of my crappy flaring tool i had to buy 3 of, whatever.
Now to figure out what the the hard pull to the left was when driving home that fateful night. So I Jack the car up with my ancient floor jack my now deceased neighbor gave me, the jack stays up for a few seconds, then looses pressure and slowly lowers back down. Great all i need now, a jack thats out to kill me, least i have jack stands; i can trust those right?
actually yea thats right, they are pretty nice jack stands.
so here i am under the car, jack stands in place, crappy old floor jack lowering by itself, dodging the dripping oil, and yanking on steering parts to see if there's any play. first i grabbed the driver side inner/outter tierods to inspect them, that went something like this:
-hand on tierods
-moves up
-moves down
-moves side to side
now, im no expert on tierods, or any rods for that matter. but i'd say i probably need new ones. i then look over at the passenger side. same effin thing! spectacular! more chedda to spend which i dont have on parts for this sh*t sandwhich. fast forward to next weeks pay check, I bought both sets of tierods, installed and now the car handles much better, but needs an alignment, really badly!
next on the to do list: exhaust. My bro was probably disappointed by this but i really dont find the sound of old men gurgling water very cool. so the stock rotted mufflers had to go. i ordered some thrush welded mufflers for this pig, figured it would sound pretty cool. i brought out my sawzall and started cutting the old muffs out. that went as planned. got the new ones positioned and in place, that also went as planned. nice. finally took the car to school, that didnt go as planned. apparently the joint at the cat and intermediate pipes on the driver side got pissed off when i was changing the mufflers and thought it'd be a good idea to break on my way to class. so that was awesome. i pulled into a parking lot, got under my car, hey its raining again, brings back fond memories. :xi tied the hanging intermediate pipe up and drove home. Got in my tbi wagon instead, fired it up and drove to class, just like i had been doing everyday for the past 6 months while i poured everything i had into the "mint" funeral home car.
somewhere between doing the brakelines and exhaust i also did the rear shocks. that was a huge pain in the behind. worse then brakelines and my pinky finger can vouch for that, almost cut the poor guy off while trying to remove the old shocks with a grinder. a week or so later, once mr. pinky finger was feeling better, i got back to it and finished installing the new rear shocks.
you'd think by now, with all the time thats past since i bought it, and all the work ive done, id be tired of sinking moneys and time into this car.
No. Wrong, Dead wrong. for some frigging reason i was still excited about this wagon. everytime i breathed on it something would break. all the while im trying to fix it. but that didnt stop me, because im an idiot.
fast forward another month, schools out, i have alot of time on my hands. time to get this thing on the road. fixed the exuahst, patched some rust holes in the floors, changed the e-brake cables, new tires, and did lots and lots of other tiddly little odds and ends, oh and put on a new water pump. cant forget that. after getting another temporary permit put on my car (can only get two while you own the car, they last a total of 10 days each) im rocking the lt1 turd again for a short while, driving everywhere, doing doughnuts in my old high school parking lot, smoking tires around corners, life was good. that is until i brought it to dan.
Dan, is a mechanic, a good one at that. and a reasonable guy. he also does safety inspections on cars. i set up an appoitment sometime in may or june to get this thing saftey certified so i could drive it legally. welp, dan liked the wagon, he liked the engine, and he liked how all the exterior lights work, he told me its safe to have working headlights, who woulda thunk that? he also told me rotten frames and body mounts are a no no. a BIG effin no no. i was there while he was doing the safety inspection, it was up on the hoist, everything looking decent for a "mint" funeral home car. until we got behind the front passenger tire, looked up, and i noticed the body mount had gone to join the ebrake cables in heaven, i also noticed the frame around the same area was straight up discombobulated and as Dan put it, "F***ED."
well you would think by now, i'd finally realize that its time to stop pouring money into this piece of sh*t. grow some brains and move on. well, your right.
Dan, being the nice, reasonable guy he is, let me park the lt1 pile in his back lot where i could part it out. engine and trans still running great, i advertise them on kijiji (craigslist) after much interest and much "no shows" im getting fed up trying to sell the drivetrain. i have it listed for $600 engine and trans. i figured thats a decent price for both. finally yesterday a guy i had been talking with wants to come out and see it run. no problem i said, i had just ran it 2 days ago while i was pulling some parts. i go over to dan's place last night in my trusty tbi. i get in the turd mobile and try to start it before the interested buyer gets here. it cranks over once fires up and shuts off. "odd." at this moment in time it begins to start raining. go figure. try to start it again, notta, nothing, no go, up sh*t creek with NO paddles to go anywhere. now i feel like an azz. i have an interested buyer coming here right now, i told him he could see it run, and now this m$#@^ F@#%@ing pile wont start. *commence down pour and thunder* ahhh... the memories.
said interested buyer shows up with his wife attached to his side. Im nervous about what he'll say after i tell him it wont start, and im sweating worse then a hooker in church. It went something like this:
buyer: hey my name's *****, nice to meet you
me: hi, I have bad news. oh and my names ben.
buyer: why whatsup ben?
me: i just tried to start it and got notta, nothing, no go, up sh*t creek with NO paddles to go anywhere. and im really sorry for wasting your time and coming out here.
buyers wife: *unimpressed female look* greeaat.
buyer: its alright ben, can i atleast take a look at it.
me: go for it *****. oh and tell your wife to sit her fat azz back in your mini van! (just kidding i was polite
)
buyer: so whats the story on this car ben?
me: *read above BS*
buyers wife: *smug female look* maybe you should have gotten a pre-safety to see what it needed before you bought it
me: yea, well im an idiot
buyer: i'll think about it ben. *leaves*
me: #$^#$@#^#$%#@$#^!$#^!!!!!!!!!!!
and i knew if it was running this guy would have probably bought it!! i was so flippen angry! i've had it with this car. i got back in my '92 and left. that turd can rot in pieces. my diagnosis is a bad fuel pump, i could always hear it when i switched the key to the on position, now theres nothing. i really hope my tbi wagon wont follow suit.
did i mention the guy i bought it from said in his ad "great family hauler and road tripper" whadda sh*t head. "hey kids! pile into this wagon, the brakelines are gone, the ebrake cables are gone, parts of the floors are missing, the frames "F***ED" and theres no front passenger body mount.
most important things i learned, dont get to excited over ANY possible purchase, especially a car. and dont trust anyone!
see you guys at Wagon fest (if my tbi makes it.)
ben (less of an idiot these days)
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Wed Jul 24, 2013 11:30 pm
This story sounds like my first LT1 wagon fiasco. I bought a '94 Caprice wagon for $2,500, sunk another $1,000 or so into needed repairs, then I started to modify it. I bought all new factory GM body mounts, and the 9C1 body mounts for it. When I went to unbolt the mounts by the fire wall I was a bit surprised that they were already gone.... along with a bit of the frame, and fire wall.
